How do You Fall in Love?

Sabbath morning began with a promising start. I woke up after sleeping for eight wonderful hours and went straight into the kitchen to make breakfast. Soon our traditional Coconut Banana Cream Pancakes (p.s. I'll post the recipe in my next post!) were sizzling away, and I was washing up dishes. We enjoyed our bountiful breakfast, and then started getting ready for church.

We are expected to go to the youth church. It's a small church that was started sometime last year to help encourage the students from Maranatha to visit. This week and last week, the 7th grade classes have visited. Last week the sermon was on dating, and this week Sabbath school was about movies and video games while the sermon was on fashion. These are very teen-directed topics, and I'm glad that they are being addressed for the kids. However...sermon topics such as these aren't exactly your typical church experience. Since I don't like violent movies or TV, don't play video games, and dress modestly, I had a hard time trying to figure out what I could gain from the sermon. The fact that it was in Spanish (like always), made it even easier to zone out. To avoid zoning out into nothingness, I read my Bible. (Earlier this month, I decided I want to read it all the way through while I'm in Honduras. Right now I am nearing the end of Exodus.)

When we came home from church, we all went to our respective rooms. I decided that I was not having cereal for lunch and made myself some food. I took my food to my room and ate it in the company of facebook. I really started missing home. At home, we always have a big Sabbath lunch together, and it usually includes a lot of extra friends as well. I remember being annoyed sometimes when I wished our house was quiet after lunch so I could nap. Yesterday, I missed the noise that I didn't even used to like. Several hours passed this way. Thankfully, I got to talk to Mariana :)--one bright spot in my afternoon.Other than that, I just had way too much time on my hands to start missing everything. I miss Steven, I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss live piano music in church, I miss hearing a pastor preach, I miss having bunches of friends over to my house, I miss having bunches of friends nearby. Just a couple days before I was thinking about how amazing it was that I wasn't homesick. 'Praise God!' I thought. 'How awesome is it that I, who's lived my life in one place surrounded by love, is not homesick.' I think Satan took that as his cue to attack.

Around 4pm it was time to go back for the afternoon service. We didn't leave the house until a quarter past or later, and the service didn't start until close to 5pm. This week it was held in the central church (the one connected to the school). It was supposed to be a pastor appreciation service, but the pastor couldn't make it. Thus, we sang to recorded music and played a couple Bible games that none of us followed all that well. Cia was able to participate once in the second game, so that was good. When the program was finished, we hurried home in the cool night breeze. Comayagua "night life" seemed the most alive at--you'll never guess--Jumbo, our friendly neighborhood grocery store that was blaring music 10x louder than anywhere else. lol

We decided to have our own worship. Usually, the time flies and I love our worships together. Last night, on the other hand, I was so tired and so melancholy that I just wanted to sleep. A lot of things had built up and pushed me down to the point where I couldn't even force, fake, or facade a smile. I just sat. I followed along through the singing, and then it was time to read from our quarterly. I was nominated to read since I'm the only one that actually has a quarterly. I did not feel like reading, but I began anyway. The lesson spoke right to me. This week is about Abigail. I don't know if I've ever even heard of her before reading this lesson. Abigail was a good woman in the Bible with really evil husband. The lesson ended with this: God always hears our cries, and He knows what we feel inside. He allows us to go through trials to bring about His will. When people hurt us, we need to continue doing good and let God deal with them. (To read it for yourself, check out http://www.cqbiblestudy.org/site/1/lessons/2010-4/English/STUDENT/CQ-10-Q4-L05.pdf)

Last night I was feel really miserable, and there didn't seem to be anything to look forward to in the near future. After worship, I wasn't suddenly chipper, I didn't leave with a smile on my face. But God was softly speaking comfort to my heart and quietly reminding me that He knows my innermost feelings. I tried sleeping and couldn't. I turned on my light and read The Little Prince, one of my all time favorite books. Somehow it always makes me feel better. Then I broke down and read the last ten notes that I had left from my going away party. The last one I read was from Maria, and it was absolutely what I needed to hear (I love you, Maria! And I really miss your hugs.).

This morning, I woke up feeling fine. However, the core of my discouragement from the day before still remains. How do you fall in love? I've been told time and time again that I have to fall in love with Honduras. Falling in love is what will make my time here worthwhile. Falling in love is what will make the year one to remember. Falling in love will make me a better teacher and effective missionary. I like Honduras. I am comfortable in my house, my students are dear to me, I enjoy the colonial streets of Comayagua, and I am excited to explore more of Honduras. But it feels so temporary (and it is).

Am I scared to fall in love with a place that my time is so limited in? Or is my heart too much someplace else to really love Honduras? What is it that is holding me back from really embracing this culture? I get hooked on the negatives sometimes--the litter, the bugs, the expensive American products, the unwelcomed attention...Sometimes when I'm alone, walking in a peaceful golden evening I feel the "spark". I feel like the time I have left here will go by too quickly. How do I feel like that about daily life though?  I feel like I need something to look forward to every single day. When I can't think of anything to look forward to, I get in survival mode. The mode that you go into just to "get by" just to "keep going". It's not an enjoyable way to live life.

I'm not just writing to think. I would love suggestions. How can I fall in love with Honduras?