Last night in worship, I shared my story about Caleb (God Makes Backpacks!) with the girls. From there, we got on the subject of Heaven. We discussed that while we are missionaries here in Honduras, the temptation is to think about home and how great it will be when we get back. I do not have to deal with suffering to the degree that much of the world does. Therefore, I have a tendency to be selfish, thinking ‘Well, my life isn’t perfect, but it’s alright,’ without concerning myself with the rest of the world.
Because that’s it. They are the REST OF THE WORLD. The problem is humanizing suffering people hurts. Would it be comfortable to watch the news and feel every bad incident as if it had impacted your family directly? Of course not. So when we hear about little girls in Nepal being trafficked into sex slavery, or villages in Africa that do not have enough water, or thirteen year old girls in Honduras being raped and abused, or babies near death from diseases and malnutrition in Peru, or the local news about the teenager who was texting and crashed—do we really let ourselves feel? Do we think, ‘What if that was my little sister? What if that was my child? My friend? My _____________ (fill in the blank)…maybe even, what if that were me?’ Those other people? They are humans just like us, with just as many feelings. They have more things in common with us that we would dare realize.
Today I found out that a close friend’s mom died of cancer yesterday. Allie and I grew up together. I distinctly remember going over to play at her house during our early elementary years. Her mom would always bring us Saltine crackers, cheese slices, Cherry 7UP, sometimes apple slices too. All through our elementary years and even in high school, Allie’s mom would help think up creative and activities for us girls to do together. Kim was one of the sweetest people I have ever known. That feels like such an understatement of who she was, my words fail…Let me say simply put, Kim blessed the lives of everyone around her. Now her funeral is this weekend, and I do not know how to let this feel real. But all this is much too real for her family.
Today I visited the orphanage and found a ten month old baby sitting in an empty room in his crib. I was afraid of agitating him by picking him up, he seemed so fussy. When I did pick him up, I realized that was all he had wanted—to be held. I found out later that he does have a mom. However, she is in a psychiatric ward, because the last time she went through one of her spells, she hit him. I am still wrestling with the fact that being in the orphanage is best for him. I just want to adopt him and take him home, I know I can’t. But every child deserves a home with parents…and these kids don’t. I see my students from the Hogar every day, but it’s hard for me to think about their lives. It’s hard to let this feel real. But it’s the only reality most of them will ever know.
Today I heard the story of a new girl living with Emily B.’s parents. Younger than Kimmy, this girl just turned thirteen a couple months ago. Now she has a two week old baby, because her step dad raped her. Since the tests haven’t come through, he is living at the house. The girl, she still wants to live at home with her mom. She did not want to come live at the project. Emily’s mom tells me that she (the girl) is doing better than when she first came. She makes eye-contact now, even smiles once in a while. This girl is learning how to breast feed a baby when she would rather be out jumping rope. She is younger than my littlest sister, she has more to be bitter about than I can fathom. The other girls living with them have equally tragic stories, and it’s hard for me wrap my mind around their stories and let them feel real. But now these little girls have babies to take care of, and I do not if anything can be more real than that.
Tonight, I cannot wait to go Home. I was having a hard time not being bogging down by all the sadness that bombards me. But tonight in worship, I was encouraged. I needed to have my heart broken for others, so that in love, I can continue reaching out to those around me. I can care about something much bigger than myself. I can find joy in the great Hope that I have in Jesus. I cannot fix the world. I cannot even fix one person. No earthly solution exists to save us. All I can do is show them love, share what I have learned about Jesus, and pray for Jesus to come soon and take us Home.
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