Insanity

Insanity

The dictionary defines /insanity/ as the following:
 –noun, plural -ties.

1. the condition of being insane;  a derangement of the mind.

2. Law . such unsoundness of mind as affects legal responsibility or capacity.

3. Psychiatry . (formerly) psychosis.

4. extreme folly; senselessness; foolhardiness.

 This has been popping up in a lot of Facebook statuses, and my attention has been caught. If you use these DVDs and this is the exercise/fitness solution that works for you, please don't take offense. I can see the allure; I have watched the infomercial. Although I could point out logical fallacies, I'll spare you. I do think the fact that he doesn't use any equipment is nice. However, for me 'Insanity' a reminder of something I have not been missing--The American Beauty Standard. The standard that tell you no matter how fit you are, you are never good enough. If your too curvy, you need to stop eating so much and work out more. If you are skinny, you could always be more toned. The media constantly attacks us with images that scream our shortcomings. 

Since coming to Honduras, I have been bombarded with different cultures. Not only the obvious Honduran one I was expecting, but also the strong Jamaican influences in my own home. I heard, "I'm too skinny!" from someone who wasn't stick thin for the first time. I heard, "I wish I could gain weight." I heard, "Look at me! I used to be so much heavier," in a disappointed wistful sigh. I have heard, "I eat so much, but I just can't gain weight. I wish I could be a little fatter." The first couple months, I was in shock. I couldn't get over how different and backwards their view was--or how refreshing it felt. 

I remember one of my roommates complimenting me a couple months ago by saying that I looked a little "bigger". I surprised myself my smiling and saying, "Really? You think so?" Last week Miss Myla noted that my thighs look bigger--then I flexed and happily told her it's because I'm getting more muscle. I never once considered worrying about her comment. And that's a different me than the one that came here seven and half months ago. It's weird for me to meet women that don't want defined abs or arms that are muscular, because they think it's a unfeminine. 

Now I have this strange culture mix battling in my head. The one that had been ingrained all my life is not easy to override. Yet, little by little I have managed to chip away at my imagined beauty standard and see the ugly game. Having a great body will not make me happy. Having perfect skin will not solve my problems. Having a trendy stylish wardrobe will not make me successful. Having nice hair will not make people like me more. I am only beautiful when I feel beautiful. I feel beautiful when I am balanced. For me, balance means I am in touch with God, taking care of my body by exercising and eating properly, building relationships with people, and taking guilt-free time for myself when I need it. 

I enjoy exercise. I like being able to joke once in a while, even occasionally laugh. I especially like laughing in the aerobics class Kadian and I started going to this week (I can't wait to tell you about our instructor!!!). I genuinely like exercising, and I do not want to feel insane while doing it. I never really exercised regularly before this year. I think I had to be completely out of my normal little world to realize how important exercise is. Exercising is a big part of what keeps me sane. I exercise to stay healthy physically and mentally. I've come a long ways in my struggle with what has been cemented in my mind as beauty. Sometimes I still slip back into old habits like feeling guilty for eating three Oreos or telling myself I feel a little fat because of those chips. We ALL have our body issues. But enough is enough already. Start changing your thinking patterns. If you are buying into "Insanity", make sure it's for healthy reasons and not because you are chasing after the insane ideal.

Ultimately, how I view my body is best put into perspective when I remember my body is a Temple of God, not a idol for myself.