I decided to buy myself a flower for every 19th that comes along until I am home :). Month "anniversaries" don't really matter as much to me now, but it still gives me something to look forward to.

Ants. They somehow found their way up our stove and into our granola. I'm not sure what they liked about it! It's not even sweet.  I spent the next little while picking and scaring ants out of the granola. Then it went into the fridge for breakfast. I am a different girl than the one that came here in August.

Last Tuesday was El Dia de la Mujer (Day of the Woman). One of my students gave me a big bright butterfly.

Like any caring teacher would do,  I found a way to put it in my hair.

Eating Garbage.

Please forgive me if this comes off harsh. But I am convinced that for a parent to give their small child soda on a regular basis, they must either 1. Be uneducated as far as health is concerned or 2. Have very low expectations for their child's future. There is a wild card out there that maybe their child just won't eat anything else. If that is the case, I think the child just needs to get hungry enough. Then they will eat real food.

I am literally pained by seeing what some of my children are sent for breakfast. BREAKFAST for crying out loud! That's supposed to be a nutritious healthy start to your day. I understand that little kids are picky, and maybe it's hard to get them to eat their veggies or whole wheat bread. However, none of that makes it acceptable to send them twinkies and a soda pop to school. One of my little boys, who recently turned three, brought  this soda today:

 This is not a small bottle. It's one those larger-than-a-can sized bottles. Thank goodness he didn't drink it all. Just the portion he did drink was enough damage. Honest truth, the boy was running into walls, falling over, and laughing like it was the best entertainment around--when he was supposed to be sitting in class.

I cringed when I saw one of my brilliant little students opening his marsh mellow covered cookies and sugary fruit drink this morning. That was all he had for breakfast. How will he ever live to his full potential if his parents keep feeding him like that? Rather than being the exception, this kind of "breakfast" seemed to be the norm. I really hope that some of these kids are eating breakfast at home too. But really, even for a snack they consume way too much sugar.  I guess I've always been a bit of a health nut, but isn't this just a little disturbing to you too?

Admist an awful afternoon prepa class today, one of my cute little causers of trouble came up and through his arms around my waist.
"I love you, Miss Emily," he said so sincerely and randomly that I had to melt a little.
"I love you too," I replied with a smile. "Now go sit down."

No matter how crazy they drive me, or how utterly hopeless it feels to manage 27 six year old children at once (even more difficult when I am by myself, like today), moments like that keep me trying to do my job cheerfully.

If you didn't read Good Morning Union last Sabbath...

You don't want to miss this.

 If you're not from Union, just omit that part as you read it. If you're a boy, well I'm sure you can figure the appropriate changes to make there as well. I hope you read this, because I have truly gained a blessing from it. I think you will to.

Here it is:

PS And now, a story, written by one of our students here at Union just last semester, based on the messages to the 7 churches in Revelation and personalize to her and her school family. Enjoy and be blessed by the “letter” to YOU from God through her. The only thing I have deleted, and replaced with {} is the name because she might be embarassed to be revealed as the gifted one!

My Revelation

My dear {}, do not be afraid. I Am your Beginning, your End. So much of what’s in between is hard for you to understand, but know this; to know Me is enough.

Let’s talk.

To My daughter at Union College:

You try hard; to do good things and to be patient. But in trying to be good and patient towards others, you’ve forgotten Me. At some point, you loved Me because you believed I would give you everything you needed. Now you are unsure and look elsewhere. Listen to Me. From Eternal life to the very hunger in your stomach, I will give you what you need. Stay with Me and I will be everything you need.

To My beloved at Union College:

You go through a lot; no one has asked you to lay down your life but you’ve made your share of sacrifices just like everyone else. But I need to tell you that it may not get easier. Please don’t be afraid, even if you are asked to give your life of happiness that you planned and hoped so hard for. Listen to Me {}, because I promise you that I have a life of happiness beyond what you could ever plan or hope for. But you must continue to endure and let these things happen to you without letting go of My hand. Stay with Me and I will be the Life that you need.

To My child at Union College:

You have never been unwilling to speak My name; except when you are afraid of what you have done. You have sinned, {}, you are not perfect. When you tell sin that he only gets a drop, you end up handing him a gallon. And then you try to compensate and refill yourself by absorbing as much Bible as you can. But can you really wrap your head around what you are reading? Is 20 minutes today enough to make you forget what you did yesterday? I do not hate you, I could never hate you. But I hate the things you do to Me. Listen, My Word is like manna; you only get as much as you need for today, you only understand as much as you can handle. And the person you are now doesn’t feel like she can understand anything I have to say. But stay with Me, and I will turn you into the person we both want you to be and I will give you sweet food from Heaven to fill you with what you need.

To My servant at Union College:

Your service to Me has been growing; but remember that I look deeper than the things you’ve done. Even when your actions speak My name, your heart reads another’s. We are getting close to something big here. If you listen and hear what I’m saying to you, you will see how important it is that you make room for only Me in your heart.  If you need to confess, I will listen. If you need forgiveness, it’s yours to have. I ask these things of you so that I can give you more. Stay with Me, give your heart completely to Me, so that I can share with you My power that you will need.

To My sister at Union College:

You have been dying; but your life is far from complete. I know you are tired and want nothing but to rest, but now is when you need to be alert! Wake up, {}! Do not take your eyes off of Me because the moment you do is the moment things will begin to go wrong. You will fall behind until you are dragging yourself in the dust and no one can see Me through the filth that coats your appearance. Listen to what I’m trying to tell you; I have a garment of light to wrap you in so you can be safe and warm and so that people will see My reflection when they look at you. We don’t have guest books in Heaven because when you come in, you are home. But there is a Book with a line for your name. Come and stay with Me. I will give you the renewal you need.

To My student at Union College:

You were in 5^th grade when you first had to memorize them. There were Ten of them; four long ones, six one-liners. Do you remember? Yes, {}, you’ve failed, sometimes miserably, at keeping them. But you always held onto them inside of you because you knew that they meant that I still loved you. And I do. I have given you every opportunity and opened every door to bring you to the place you are now, so that you could stand for Me and be My example. So people can look at a sinner and see the name of Jesus written over her imperfections. Listen closely, because you need to know that you must keep standing. When you can no longer hold yourself erect, hang on to what you have learned about Me. Stay with what simple truths you have about Me and I will hold you up for as long as you need.

To My friend at Union College:

If you are still unsure, listen to this. Get off the fence. If you were frozen as stone or on fire for Me, I could complete you. But if your heart doesn’t even know it’s broken, where would the healing begin?  Whether you know it or not, I have the things you need; riches to sustain you, garments to cover and protect you, ointments to soothe your pain, light to open your eyes. I love you so much so I must tell you that what you’re trying isn’t working. It’s not enough to play it safe anymore. When I feel a passion for Me inside of you, I will want to come in and be with you. Then I will invite you to come home and be with Me. Stay with Me inside the fire, let Me refine you and burn you in the heat you need.

Remember, I Am your Beginning, your End. Everything in between still isn’t clear but know that knowing Me is enough. You have been My child through it all. I have so much to give to you so come and stay with Me and let Me be everything that you need.

Enough

Do you ever start to question your ability? Your talent? Even your potential? Maybe your day started off optimistically, maybe you even found renewed energy. However, the feeling creeps up--maybe even about something small and insignificant--and before long it snowballs. Insecurity, doubt, fear--they have a way of sticking like that.

I had one of those days. Teaching preschoolers was pure joy for about a week. Then I realized the exhaustion I felt at the end of each day was normal. I still find joy in it...but merciful heavens. It takes a very special person to be a full-time long-term preschool teacher. Even though the language barrier is tough, I really enjoy kindergarten, and pre-k is fun too. Prepa, on the other hand, often leaves me feeling helpless and frustrated. Miss Melissa says this is the worst behaved class she has had. The boys are so violent. There are so many kids that cause trouble--just SO many kids in general (27 in one room and now 28 in the other)--I really don't know what to do. I need some classroom management ideas. Today I felt so defeated. This song hit me like a splash of cold water.

"Do You find it an insult, when I constantly second guess myself?

And I wish You had used different brushes to add finishing touches or had just painted something else?

This is inadequate praise to say that I have less to offer.

Whatever You gave was enough to proclaim and to love my Creator.

I have been given all that I need to bring You glory.

No one else in the world can tell my story..."

(I would cite the artist, but all I know about this song is that someone who went to Southern Adventist University wrote and sang it. I think the group is called Constellations.)

That line really got me. "Whatever You gave was ENOUGH to proclaim and to love my Creator." I get so caught up in my teaching job, that sometimes I forget how important my first job is--proclaiming and loving my God. That does not mean that life will be easy, but it does assure me of this:

 'You are enough. I created you to be unique, unlike anyone else. I have great plans and purpose for you. Simply trust Me.' 

Ready to Face the Week

Tonight, my heart feels so full. I am thankful for friends.
I have really great ones--here, home, and (this year) in several other countries around the world.

Sometimes it's hard keeping in touch. I go weeks, even months without talking to friends that I used to see almost every day. But with real friends, the passage of time doesn't take away anything. That's my very favorite part.

Though my lesson plans remained unfinished, for once, I feel ready to face a new week. Somehow talking to a couple good friends tonight has given me back that spark. Yesterday I felt so frustrated; I didn't know how my attitude could possibly change. Thankfully God has a way of stepping in just when I feel at a complete loss.

Annoyed.

I cannot pinpoint when it started, but somewhere along the way I became annoyed with learning Spanish. I just don't care right now! In church, it was all I could do to not completely zone out. Yesterday I did all my Spanish homework in the half an hour before my lesson started. My only reason for doing it was that I didn't want to see Dina look so terribly disappointed like she did the week before. Thursday, Cia and Nelly came home from the market excited about some movies they had found--in Spanish. The idea of watching a movie in Spanish--by choice--doesn't interest me in the least. I don't know what to do, but this is not good.

Two big problems exist with my current annoyance:

1. I don't try very hard to understand my many, many little students when they constantly talk at me, in Spanish. Teaching feels more frustrating.
2. The idea of getting more involved at church feels like a burden, because after all, it will have to be in Spanish. I do not look forward to church.

I know, I know. Language is key. Learning the language is the best way to connect with people. It's so valuable to learn a second language. Spare me.

Right now, I feel like teaching zaps ALL of my energy. The weekends don't even provide that much rest because they are full of cleaning, lesson planning, grocery shopping, and now my Sabbaths will be busier too. I went to bed at 8pm last night and slept for ten hours. How can I possibly still feel tired?

I keep trying to tell myself that it will be so hard to say goodbye when I leave. I keep trying to focus on the things I will miss. I keep trying to find joy in teaching. I even try to remind myself why I wanted to learn Spanish in the first place. But some days? I can't wait for June to be here.

Tidbits

• Last week a fifth grader told me that she needed to leave the class to buy cookies. I abruptly retorted that no one needs cookies, they simply want them. Then I immediately argued with myself, 'No, that's not true. Sometimes I do need a cookie!' Poor girl. 
• You know what's really gross? Giving a little kid a high five and coming back with a giant bugger in your hand. It's happened. Twice. They just get so excited about a high fives... 
•  Earlier this week, a little boy named Jose David bit me on the thigh. All of the other pre-k kids were surrounding me with loving goodbye hugs. He had other intentions. I think he has it in for me. For the record, I now have a tiny little tooth mark bruise.
•  When I find ants on my food now, I usually just knock them off and keep eating. 
•  I'm starting to forget the differences between America and Honduras.
•  Today when I walked into class, two of my prepa girls, Ester and Ale, crowned me with one of those silver bejeweled little girl crowns. I knelt down and everything. It was a moment. Best part: I wore the crown for the next couple hours. My students kept pointing and saying, "Miss Emily, beautiful!"
•  Confession: I just remembered I have Spanish homework for my lesson tomorrow. Ugh...I am so unmotivated. I'm not sure what it is, but I am having a really hard time caring about learning Spanish. I feel like school takes my energy and anything else I do has to be either vital or fun. Spanish falls somewhere in the middle, not completely necessary and not all fun and games either.
•  I think Spanish reggaeton is the best work out music. You should try it sometime.
•  Yogurt is really unappetizing after being mostly vegan for so long. That makes me a little sad.
• I decided I'm buying myself a flower for every month-anniversary that Steven and I have until I'm back home. Even though months aren't quite such a big deal after a year, it's still something to look forward to. I only have four more flowers to buy :).
• This week we got a new student from the US. He told me that his mom went back to the States, and his dad went on a plane to somewhere else. He's living with his "abuelita", one of the few Spanish words he knows. It's refreshing to have a kid that understands English in the class. However, today I about fell over when he asked, "What's love?" after we prayed. Thinking that he was asking about the prayer, I told him that we were thanking God for His love. Then he asked, "What's God?" I keep going over it in my mind, and it's so hard for me to fathom. Being six years old and never knowing about God. It's great to have a student that understands everything I say. Honestly, I feel like my job just got a whole lot bigger. Please pray for me.

Four Days with Fifth Graders

Last week, first period, Tuesday morning, Miss Norma stuck her head in my classroom and told me that she needed me for a minute. The fifth grade teacher, my friend Kathy, had seriously injured her leg and needed to go home. I was asked to sub for her. It always amuses me a little when I'm asked to do something. I suppose it's polite to ask, but come on, it's not like I can really say anything but "yes". I can't even imagine how that conversation would go. Haha. Anyway, I handed the preschool teachers the materials they needed for the Bible classes they would have to be taking over for the day.

As I walked into the fifth grade room, my mind reeled--'That girl is practically my height. They're SO big! Who knew fifth graders were so big?' When you live in preschool world, fifth grade is a huge jump, a whole new world. I tried not to look terrified made my way to Kathy's desk. Kids can tell when you're scared. They're quite perceptive in a lot of ways.  But here's the thing, I am an actress ;). Kathy started telling me everything I needed to do--for the rest of the week! I was so surprised at first, then I figured I better write some of it down before I forgot. I thought it would be good information to hand over to whoever they found to sub the rest of the week. Turns out that person was me. Myself. I taught language arts to 5A and 5B for four days last week. What an adventure.

I could tell you the ups, and I could tell you the downs. But the important part of this story is in the little moments rather than the details. This is why being a fifth grade teacher was meaningful to me:

I was able to comfort a crying student when the rest of the class went to lunch--and talk to her about what was wrong.
I was able to talk to a student that I kept for part of recess for bad behavior--and find out he hasn't seen his parents in over three months. He's not even sure what city they are working in.
I was able to explain prepositional phrases--talk about exciting! I am a grammar nerd.
I was able to handle a difficult class--and keep them quietly working.
I was able to really communicate with my students--I didn't even realize how much I missed being understood. And being able to understand.
I was able to do 4th-6th grade chapel. Here's the thing--I really did not want to. I was nervous about it the night before, and I bemoaned the situation to my roommates. I said that it was completely out of my comfort zone, and I didn't know what to say to them. I decided on a VeggieTales that sort of applied to the topic for the week--Humility. I threw in an old devotional book I had when I was younger, just in case I couldn't find a computer to play the movie. Turns out I couldn't get a computer for chapel. I looked through the book once, nothing jumped out. I said a silent prayer, went through it again, and found a story that seemed appropriate. 
It was a about a train full of military men and their general. An old lady gets on the bus and no one offers her a seat. She slowly makes her way to the back of the train, where the general instantly stands up and offers her his seat. Ashamed and embarrassed, his men jump up to give him their seat. However, the general declares that if there is no seat for the lady, then there is certainly no seat for him. Also, next to the story there was a Bible passage where Jesus talked about praying for our enemies and loving those who are mean to us. I looked it over once and decided I would read it.
After singing and prayer, it was time for the story. I began by asking what humility meant. Then I asked who had ever been on a bus and talked about what happens when the seats are full. Then I started to tell them the story of the general and the old lady. I went to open the book, but the page number I remembered was for the wrong story. Doing my best to play it off, I decided it was going to have to be by memory. As I started telling the story, the room was absolutely silent. Even more amazing--they remained that way until the story was over. I think I talked for nearly ten minutes.
After the chapel, Emily and Nelly both came up to me at different times and told me that it was one of the best chapels that group has had this year. Please understand, I'm not trying to say, 'Look at me! Look what I did.' No. Remember? I did NOT want to do this chapel. I was dreading it, and I tried to opt for an easy way out with a movie. There seems to be a pattern. Whenever God has something in mind for me that I really really do not want to do, and I pray about it and do what I can despite my feelings, God works in amazing ways.
After chapel I had 5B for three classes. During the last period, some of them finished the test early and had some free time. One of the students, Christopher, came up to my desk and asked if he could sit there. I was walking about the room and didn't need my desk, but I asked him what he was going to do if he sat there. He motioned to my devotional book that I had left out. I smiled a little and nodded. He sat there for at least 20 minutes intently reading! I didn't want anything to ruin that moment, so precious, rare, and seemingly fragile. I was happy that not all of the students finished in time for them to go outside. Christopher kept reading until a few minutes before class was over. He got up, set the book down, and tapped me on the back.
"Miss," he said, "that's a good book."
"You like the stories?" I asked with a slight smile.
"Yes." He replied, returning my smile.
"Me too." I said, simply leaving it at that. Some moments shouldn't be ruined with too many words.

Can You Relate?

Do you ever find yourself so busy that you can't remember the last time you had a free afternoon? Do you ever have a hard time getting your shoulders to relax? Ever try fitting an extra job in, because after all, you "have time"? Do you ever say "yes" to someone, because you think they really truly need your help and-no-one-else-can-help-them? Do you ever rationalize with yourself and reason out why you should keep a schedule that is giving you unnecessary stress? Ever feel too bad to "quit" something? Ever feel like cutting your fingernails is a luxury that you don't have time for today....or tomorrow?! Maybe that one is just me. Ever think, 'There must be some way I can better manage my time'?...And then realize there is. But it requires you to quit something.

Today was my last day of tutoring the Hernandez boys.  I was a little sad to tell the boys. I will miss Guillermo's high fives and singing. I will miss Bayron's acting like a little grownup and keeping his little brothers in line. I will miss Ricardo's eyelashes, Spanish lessons, and fits of giggling. However, I will still see them at school.

I don't feel guilty.
I don't feel like a failure.
Or a traitor.
Or a bad person.

I feel wise.
I feel liberated.
I feel hopeful.
I feel confident.
I feel like I made the right choice for me.
I made a step in the right direction towards balance.

Ever since middle school, I have had a difficult time finding that ever evasive balance. It seemed so simple when I was younger. I spent time with friends whenever I could. I did homework when I had to. I liked to spend time with my parents. I exercised because it was fun and unlabeled. I wrote, because I knew I needed to. I read for fun. I asked too many questions. I had such an imagination. Then I got busy. My old life was slowly pushed to the side by new and "important" hobbies, school activities, and work. Somewhere along the way, the simple joys were forgotten. Now my life feels like this: 'ah, already time to wake up?', work, exhaustion sets in, cook/clean, try to keep up with the internet, sleep. Repeat. No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel tired.

I know that eliminating tutoring off my to-do list will not fix everything. Life will still happen. There will still be the kind of days where you notice ants on your half eaten cookie and the house is devoid of vegetables and all the bananas are brown--but with God, peace can be found :). And that, my friends, is really what it all boils down to. No matter what life throws at you--even a sizzling spatula of stir-fry--with God, you can more than overcome.

Things that helped me today:
1.Seeing my students as humans. If you've never taught, don't judge me. To be honest, sometimes my students seem more like little monsters than children. I have been teaching 5th grade this week, and it has been such a good learning experience teaching an age that I can remember.
2.Singing everything I said while cooking with Kadian. Best part? She sang too. I'm telling you, she doesn't know it yet, but she was born to be in a musical.
3. A brisk walk in the drizzly rain to buy copious amounts of veggies.
4. Having a Sponge Bob band aid to put on my thumb. The vegetable grater finally got the best of me.
5. Laughing so hard I literally fell to the ground.
6. Fifth graders understanding prepositional phrases.
7. Knowing that as of this evening, I am done tutoring!

And that last one makes me really happy, because it's packed with a lot of hope. A hope for more peace. A hope for more balance.

Down to the Itty Bitty Details--My Life as in Missionary in Comayagua

"I'm sorry girls, I tried so hard to pick out all the bugs...but I guess I just couldn't get them all." I say apologetically. "It's fine." the gemelas say in unison. I look up from my cookie baking to see them intently picking through their broccoli. *lol* Our broccoli had an infestation of little greenish caterpillar bugs. Hooray, organic?

So far, we're either too busy or too cheap to buy real curtains. Probably both. We got tired of everyone being able to see through the first one, so now it's even prettier...

Today the gas for our stove ran out in the middle of cookie baking. You can't call the gas man after 5pm. Thankfully, we have Miss Myla. On the bright side to having a gas stove, at least we can still cook when the water and lights go out.

Welcome to the war I've been fighting since August 16th, 2010. There have been many casualties (as shown above) on the enemies side, but they only increase in number and advance unceasingly. I often contemplate surrender, but so far I have held my ground.

Peanut butter--a student missionary's best friend. Anyone else agree? :)

"The ghetto line", once used out of necessity, is now reserved for rainy days. We now have extensive line space out back thanks to my extremely talented and handy uncle.

That's a crack between my window and wall. Nice. Doesn't really keep out cold air, hot air, or bugs. Still I'm thankful it's there (the window, that is).

Funny, I was kind of defensive when my aunt said she could never live out of a suitcase for a year like I do. My bags of clothes are much better than suitcases! Thank you very much.

This is our toilet handle. Gross? Yeah, I used to think so too. Take in the added fact that a toilet holds lots of water and the handle is always kind of damp.

Alternate cooling rack.

Where all of our clean water comes from. Ever since I realized I could carry one of these, we haven't asked Christian for help again.

"Nooo! Don't open that. We never go down there." The forbidden cupboard. We used to keep our trash can there, but it was all damp and smelly and once we found a cockroach! So we cleaned it out, and now we never, ever, open that cupboard.

The affectionate curtain in front of our kitchen sink. We keep it tied up, because whenever it's down it blows into our faces and give us "kisses".

A Mix of Memories

Seriously. Another knife down.

Mm. Lime. What? We were out of fruit.

So after reading about Rachel's paper chain for every week left in Peru, we decided to make our own. Twenty-two more Sabbaths! Yikes kinda looks like a lot.

Hopefully the Bible verses we wrote on them will help encourage us through the remaining half of our time here.

Today: Me, frantically flailing about, "Oh my goodness! There's something RED in the washing machine!" Hey, we were doing a load of what was supposed to be all black clothes. I thought that something had been stained red and was coming out like food coloring or blood into the water. Kadian, "That's my orange shirt! Fine, I'll wash it by hand." Goes off about how whatever I "et" (that's how Jamaicans say "ate") today is making me crazy and won't listen to me about how it's okay for her orange shirt to be in with all our black pants.
I threw the shirt back in the wash.

Hi, My Name is Emily and My Boyfriend Lives on a Remote Isolated Island in the South Pacific.

Steven with his house in the background

Steven with his students

Yoslynn (one of my best friends from 8th grade) and her family--they live on Woja!

Steven. Just saying his name makes me smile. But then I sigh a little, because I miss him a whole lot.

I was able to talk to him on the phone from December 18th to January 4th while he was on Majuro. Pure joy. He is doing really well and loving Woja. He spends lots of time playing his guitar, hanging out with the locals, learning Marshallese (quite impressive), and of course, being a teacher. He is even learning how to cook! I'm proud. His roommate, Elmer, is going to be doing Bible work on a different island. So Steven will have two new Filipino Bible workers joining him sometime this week.


Now only 4 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days until he is home. I'll probably get to talk to him before that--whenever he ends up on Majuro. But for now, it's back to letters. I really love letters.

"Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls; for, thus friends absent speak. "--John Donne

...But I can't wait for the day when I don't have to wait a month or more for a response.


  
 

Hellooo, Friday.

I stayed up until midnight getting caught up on lessons plans last night. After all, today is Friday. Being sleepy of Friday is tolerable and usually more preferable than feeling overwhelmed about the weekend. Thus, I slept in until 5:30 when I finally managed to roll of bed with a prayer and a good dose of self-discipline. After getting ready, I sleepily sauntered into the kitchen to eat breakfast. Due to the blessed amount of cereal we got for Christmas--I even had choices. I decided on Rice Chex with some banana and soy milk (also a Christmas present! My mom is great). All was well until I went to the dish drainer to get a clean spoon.

A big antennae twitching cockroach awaited me! AHHHHH. My insides screamed. Fight or flight took over. I knew what I had to do, but I really oh so didn't want to do it. Honest, I have become good at killing bugs. Spider, ants, mosquitoes and the like; however, the crunch of the cockroach still leaves me in absolute dread. Somehow I moved my hand for the soap bottle and attempted to smash it. No luck. You see, our nice Palmolive soap bottle has a concave bottom. After a few more frantic failed flails, my nemesis took cover in the strainer part of the sink (that part that strains out food so it doesn't go down your drain...the food sitting in there was probably the reason the little monster showed up). I found an old jelly jar, examined the bottom of it, and decided it was going to have to work. The cockroach carefully emerged from the strainer, and I took action. Failure #4. I finally got it with one last jab. Once I knew it had been severed, I couldn't bear to make sure it was dead or even think of cleaning it out of the sink. I left the kitchen whimpering and quite shaken up about the whole ordeal.

Kadian had heard me, so she came out of her room to see if I was alright. I told her what had happened. She couldn't deal with it either and said we'd leave if for the girls. A little later I heard Cia out in the kitchen. I went to warn her about the cockroach. She couldn't deal with it either. Apparently, it was still writhing around. *gag!* I haven't ventured near the sink since this morning. I can deal with killing bugs, but cockroaches (and centipedes) still really get to me. We have only see about 3 cockroaches in our house since we came, so I haven't had to get used to them. We keep our house so clean; I hoped they would never find a reason to visit. I can't wait to have a man in the house someday. It's not that I can't kill bugs, but I would really to have someone else do it for me.

Somehow I managed to finish my breakfast. At 6:40am, Kadian and I were out the door for school. We just turned the corner (about 30 seconds from our house) when I remember the butterscotch blondies I was supposed to remind her about. I had remembered them before the cockroach drama, but early morning bug encounters do not set well with me. We hurried back home to pick them up. They're left-over from Christmas baking, and with all the other sugar in the house, they needed to go. Luckily, Kadian's students were more than happy to help. We were really lucky and got a ride with Miss Roxanne and her family. I made it through first period--1-3 grade chapel--and then I went to collapse in the teacher room for my beautiful Friday morning free period.

I quickly settled into the coach and tried to sleep. However, something about Maranatha that doesn't take long to figure out is the teacher like to talk. When I say talk, I mean full out almost shouting, laughing, teasing, clapping, very full of emotion kind of chit chat. It's great and really entertaining sometimes...but I wanted to sleep. Despite all the noise, I drifted off and started dreaming about baking vegan brownies at school in the teacher room that suddenly had a super awesome kitchen and I kept worrying about being late to assist Miss Joline. I need to work on my creativity. When I woke up, it was 9am--and I was a half an hour late! I got up, grabbed my things, and somehow made it all the way to the first grade room without stumbling. I had sleep lines from the coach all over my face. Thankfully Miss Joline was very understanding.

The rest of the day passed without too much eventfulness. My last class was kind of hectic, because 1. No one really wants to be at school last period Friday afternoon 2. Having 27 students all around the age of 6, often by myself, is slightly overwhelming, and 3. There was a pinata party going on right outside the window for the second day in a row. These kids go absolutely nuts when they see a pinata. So not much was accomplished today, but no one got hurt--wait no, that's not true. *sigh* The violence of some of my students really hurts me. I guess I can blame it on the bad TV shows, video games, or bad examples they are exposed to. But that still doesn't make it easier to deal with, especially when I'm sleepy. Teaching preschoolers, I have to be brimming with enthusiasm or they can tell. They sense disinterest the moment the bounce leaves my step. If I don't get enough sleep, I cannot be a good teacher.

We were stuck at the school until 3pm instead of our usual 2:45pm, because of a new rule. Here's what I think: the teachers that were leaving before 2:45 are not going to care about a new rule that says we have to stay until 3. So really, the rule is just keeping the rule following teachers here an extra 15 minutes of our lives. But alas, I can't blame them for trying. We all sat on the coaches, utterly exhausted. Makes me tired just remembering it. We trudged home where I sat on my bed for about an hour in a computer coma. Kadian and Cia checked on the cockroach in the sink situation--some ants had started eating it. Lovely. Kadian was a brave soul and cleaned up the mess. I think it's safe to go near the sink now--I did hear Cia washing dishes--but I have yet to venture back.

Then I realized I was still wearing my awful salmon colored polo shirt and slightly too large blank pants. Quickly changing, I decided I should go out and buy shampoo. But then I heard Kadian say she was going to the mall. I asked if she was taking a taxi. When she said yes, I was in. Not that I mind walking 20 minutes...but today is Friday. We had an awesome time exploring Del Corral (the biggest grocery store in Comayagua). We found wheat flour and bread, two things that Jumbo has been sorely missing. Plus, she treated herself to elephant ears and I splurged on Funyuns. It's funny how therapeutic a trip to the grocery store and a couple taxi rides can be. Hoy es viernes. Gracias a Dios. How is it only 7 o'clock?

I got Pixie at the beginning of 8th grade. Sweet tempered, yet full of spunk and very vocal anytime she wanted attention. I'll never forget the first day I brought her home from Earl May's. We heard this crazy noise coming from somewhere in the house--we thought a bird had gotten inside. Turns out our cat was giving Pixie a bad look, and she was going to tell the whole world about it. She saw me through my first boyfriend (well, actually all of them for that matter), my first car, all four years of high school, my first year of college, and she stayed home waiting for me when I left this year to be a student missionary.

I knew it was inevitable; but, I never really said goodbye. Now I can't.

Maybe you think it is silly to feel sad over an animal. All I have to say is, I am sad for you if you can't understand. A pet offers a kind of companionship that humans cannot. If you don't get it, it's probably because you are too much of a grownup. (Go read The Little Prince.)

Home will feel kind of empty without her there.

What Keeps Me Sane.

• Prayer. Even if I can only manage two words: God help.
• Putting time in perspective.
• Affectionate little kids that grab onto my legs, bury their heads into my stomach, shout "Meez Emelee!", and occasionally even give me the cutest little kisses. (Note: these same kids sometimes drive me a bit crazy)
• Baking. Speaking of which I have a great vegan banana muffin recipe if your interested...
• Having people around me that care about my well being.
• Knowing that I have less than 5 months of actual school left. 
• My flute.
• The copious amount of food, especially veggie meat, that I got for Christmas (Thanks Mom, Marlene, Union, and most of all, Aunt Sandy, Uncle, and Toby for hauling all of it to me!). It just makes life that much less complicated having easy veggie protein :).
• The fact that teaching makes time fly.
• The kids' songs CDs I got for Christmas. Perfect.
• Being able to laugh at my mistakes. Like when I kicked the table holding the CD player and it stopped in the middle of "I've got joy like a fountain". What can I say? My fountain pose was a little too enthusiastic. lol
• Having pre-kindergarten kids understand my stories and learn new words.
• I got to talk to my boyfriend for over 2 weeks. Pure happiness.
• Having to eat slowly. I have this wisdom tooth coming that is putting me through a lot of grief. However, since it hurts to open my mouth wide, I have to eat in really little bites. I've always been a fast eater. Eating slowly is peaceful and better for my body.
• Having 50 beautiful minutes to eat my lunch away from all the many students.
• Singing, and the awesome fact that singing to Kadian is like investing in a ipod, because she has a knack for picking up songs (even if she doesn't want to) and sings often :).
• Finally learning how to say "be kind" in Spanish. So useful.
• The fact that I'm only tutoring for a few more days...Ahhh.
• Wednesday is already over. It's my longest school day. I have 7 classes and assist for 3. Refer a few reasons up to my blessed lunch time.
• Trying to think optimistically. 
• Not spending too much time on Facebook.
• Writing.

On Display

I am tired of having to stare intently at the ground every time I walk past a man.
It's best to avoid eye contact, because giving them any sign of recognition just brings more unwanted attention. Sometimes I am too cheerful or curious to care. On days like that, I'm usually reminded why I shouldn't make eye contact. However, no matter how hard I try to ignore them, the attention still comes.

"Preciosa"
"Mi amor"
"Estoy enamorado"
"Te amo"
"Venga"
The ever popular *muuah* smack of their lips.
They love to practice their English on us.
"Hello babyyy"
"Baby, I love you!"
"You're beautiful"

Sometimes they mean it in a nice way. For example, an older man calling me "preciosa" is probably a nice compliment. But most of the time it's impossible for me to tell if they are being polite or have less than honorable intentions. And the stares. The absolutely unashamed staring bothers me almost more than the words. It doesn't matter what I wear. At times I feel more like a piece of meat that they are eying than a person.
 

Home, Sweet Home Comayagua

At the post office picking up some Christmas packages! :)

Toby sending off bunches of post cards

Aunt Sandy wanted to take a picture of where I cried when I found out my letter from Steven still hadn't arrived so she could imagine the story better.

The wonderful Hondutel, home of the post office.

Back at the park, now back to normal and much busier than on Christmas day.

Inside the cathedral

We got really lucky and ran into Pastor Trundle on our way to the market. He let me show my family around the school.

My pre-k class room

Tell them about the different rooms

In the playground area :)

Macaw Mountain and the Trip Home

According to our tour guide: Macaws take time choosing their partner. They mate for life. If their mate dies, they usually become really depressed and loose feathers. They can become healthy again and form new friendships, but they never find another mate. They live around 100 years.

Chocolate comes from here? Hm. I wonder who discovered this.

This kind of captures their personalities :)

A relative of the Bird of Paradise flower

Fruit loops! Toucans are so super cute in real life. They even make funny little noises.

We all got to hold the Blue & Golden Macaw

The Military Macaw

Finally in our own seats after a very long trip home...