Can You Relate?

Do you ever find yourself so busy that you can't remember the last time you had a free afternoon? Do you ever have a hard time getting your shoulders to relax? Ever try fitting an extra job in, because after all, you "have time"? Do you ever say "yes" to someone, because you think they really truly need your help and-no-one-else-can-help-them? Do you ever rationalize with yourself and reason out why you should keep a schedule that is giving you unnecessary stress? Ever feel too bad to "quit" something? Ever feel like cutting your fingernails is a luxury that you don't have time for today....or tomorrow?! Maybe that one is just me. Ever think, 'There must be some way I can better manage my time'?...And then realize there is. But it requires you to quit something.

Today was my last day of tutoring the Hernandez boys.  I was a little sad to tell the boys. I will miss Guillermo's high fives and singing. I will miss Bayron's acting like a little grownup and keeping his little brothers in line. I will miss Ricardo's eyelashes, Spanish lessons, and fits of giggling. However, I will still see them at school.

I don't feel guilty.
I don't feel like a failure.
Or a traitor.
Or a bad person.

I feel wise.
I feel liberated.
I feel hopeful.
I feel confident.
I feel like I made the right choice for me.
I made a step in the right direction towards balance.

Ever since middle school, I have had a difficult time finding that ever evasive balance. It seemed so simple when I was younger. I spent time with friends whenever I could. I did homework when I had to. I liked to spend time with my parents. I exercised because it was fun and unlabeled. I wrote, because I knew I needed to. I read for fun. I asked too many questions. I had such an imagination. Then I got busy. My old life was slowly pushed to the side by new and "important" hobbies, school activities, and work. Somewhere along the way, the simple joys were forgotten. Now my life feels like this: 'ah, already time to wake up?', work, exhaustion sets in, cook/clean, try to keep up with the internet, sleep. Repeat. No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel tired.

I know that eliminating tutoring off my to-do list will not fix everything. Life will still happen. There will still be the kind of days where you notice ants on your half eaten cookie and the house is devoid of vegetables and all the bananas are brown--but with God, peace can be found :). And that, my friends, is really what it all boils down to. No matter what life throws at you--even a sizzling spatula of stir-fry--with God, you can more than overcome.

Things that helped me today:
1.Seeing my students as humans. If you've never taught, don't judge me. To be honest, sometimes my students seem more like little monsters than children. I have been teaching 5th grade this week, and it has been such a good learning experience teaching an age that I can remember.
2.Singing everything I said while cooking with Kadian. Best part? She sang too. I'm telling you, she doesn't know it yet, but she was born to be in a musical.
3. A brisk walk in the drizzly rain to buy copious amounts of veggies.
4. Having a Sponge Bob band aid to put on my thumb. The vegetable grater finally got the best of me.
5. Laughing so hard I literally fell to the ground.
6. Fifth graders understanding prepositional phrases.
7. Knowing that as of this evening, I am done tutoring!

And that last one makes me really happy, because it's packed with a lot of hope. A hope for more peace. A hope for more balance.